Why I’m done living small

Silence. It’s a funny concept, actually. Or rather, interesting how we use it. I am silent often. Observing, taking in the world around me I don’t often feel the need to comment, not for a lack of words. Sitting in a car without voicing sound, exchanging glances with a loved one the air is not still, but vibrant so there’s no need to speak. We’ve said more than words can say, or maybe we haven’t but there’s a quiet awareness that is fully comfortable and able to prosper without filling the air with nonsensical thought in an effort to consume a void. So, I’m often quiet and I usually welcome that. But sometimes I also live my life that way. And that’s not okay. 

The idea of silence as energy reverberates louder than words can speak or fulfilling a casual longing to enjoy the space between the syllables is one thing. Living quietly, silently is another entirely.

There are those who find themselves dimming their light in the presence of others. Who live lives fully and vibrantly in private, but exist with shoulders raised and hunched, voices and heads lowered letting the world take them in or pass by them as opposed to taking it in for themselves. That idea of tiptoeing through life so as not to make noise for others to perceive or take up more space than you feel necessary. We understand and internalize a distorted view of humility as a sign that you should be invisible. It’s time to give that up. Not humility, but the false narrative we’ve created around it.

If you’re anything like me you may not even recognize it in the moment. But when you catch a glimpse of yourself as someone you don’t want to recognize, take that moment as a warning to change your perspective, not wallow in the guilt of a life half lived. Living small means smaller results. Diminished joy, gratitude, abundance in every aspect of life. I don’t know about you, but having less joy didn’t make it onto my goal list for 2019. So a change is necessary.

We understand and internalize a distorted view of humility as a sign that you should be invisible. It’s time to give that up.

t’s time to lower our shoulders, lift our heads and open our eyes to the world we’ve been wanting to take in but that we decided we shouldn’t or didn’t deserve to shine in. As we head into a new year, I want nothing more for you than to live life as colorfully as you dream in your head without asking permission or acceptance from the people around you. 

I’ve played this game long enough to know that it doesn’t serve me, so when you realize it for yourself is when things might change for you too. I decided to leave this behind, just right in this moment, so I know you can too, extending grace for those moments when you revert back to the shell you’ve held onto more tightly than anything else. Extending grace for imperfection while making room for something better.

Moving away from a life half lived isn’t the easiest journey you could take, but I challenge you to do one thing that’ll make you raise your voice, laugh harder, smile wider and emote grander than its even comfortable to allow yourself to. One positive thing that’ll make your heart sing that you haven’t done because you’ve been playing it safe. Do one thing, one little thing, everyday. And next week add one more. If you fall off, just take a breath and do a mental restart. In the meantime, I’ll be there cheering you on because us quiet people who are just longing to speak need someone in their corner too. 

happy reading,

kacie micole